Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Wednesday, November 29, 2006


It is the holiday season, after all.

Yup. I'm sick. After several fake-outs in recent weeks, it's finally hit me. Feels like the usual holiday bronchitis, albeit on the mild side.


(Here's hoping the coming months don't see a repeat of last winter/spring, when I had three terrible bouts of respiratory crud in four months. Good times.)

I will say I'm thankful it waited until AFTER my Thanksgiving trip to hit me hard, though I was feeling kinda dry and scratchy and sneezy while I was in Diego (as a college dormmate used to call it). And I'm thankful it waited until AFTER last night's (fab, natch) Barenaked Ladies show to really fuck with me (though I did cough up a big phlegm ball just before we went to our seats. Isn't that a nice image??). And that it's hitting me BEFORE my big Christmas trip to New York.

So I can't complain too much. But you know I will...

As for my trip, it was grand. I'll share more details later, as I'm sleepy AND all doped up on over-the-counter medication right now. And I'll be catching up with all of you...

And coming soon to Dork-o-Rama... actual photos actually taken by the actual ME! *

*this, once my dear pals are able to send me the fucking camera cables I fucking left in a fucking shopping bag left for trash in their home. fuck me.

**EDITED TO ADD THIS AMAZING NOTE FROM MY PAL KIM (under the subject line "lung season or whatever"):

"guess what i just found out last week? this time of year, according to chinese medicine, is the time ofthe lung...hence...i'm thinkin', lung crap/sickness.

i went to get acupuncture treatments last week and the woman...asked me about other stuff going on with me and we ended up talking about how i ALWAYS have stuff going on in my chest this time each year. huh. who knew. lung central."

OH. MY. GOD. I need to know more. This is fascinating...

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Giving thanks...

  • ...because I finally found the damned thing!

  • *Sigh.

  • I'll be schlepping this, my gluten-free bread and cereal, along with liquids in 3-ounce containers in a plastic baggie on a jet plane tomorrow afternoon for my annual Turkey Day trip to SoCal. (I'm going to great lengths to keep my greasy paws off the magazine until I'm at the airport. You should be impressed by my restraint.)

  • I'm actually going to miss that drive a little. I won't miss the LA traffic clusterfuck, that's for sure. But there's something oddly soothing and fun about a loooong drive on a freeway in the middle of nowhere with lots of great music and an In N Out Burger along the way.

I'll return next week with tales of teen hijinks and something embarassing to tell you about my dear pal Cindy, the sister I never had.

Hope you all have a grand holiday!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

I was a baby when I learned to suck...

....but you have raised it to an art form...

-Barenaked Ladies, "Wind It Up."

(See below. I'm kind of irritated that they edited the song for the single, as there's a whole friggin' verse missing, but I forgive the boys because I love 'em.)

No, I have no specific reason to post these lyrics; I just have the song stuck in my head and LOVE that line.

And I'm thinking about something sucky about myself. It has to do with one of those potential sparks dudes. Let's just call him Sparky, shall we?

I just realized the other day that I'm sort of hoping for and enjoying his attention while not being sure how interested I am.

Not only is that pathetic, it's not nice. And it also seems to me that if I were truly interested, I wouldn't have to wonder whether I am. Right?

So perhaps I'll crawl back into my Not Paying Attention to Boys hole for awhile. It's just that I'm feeling a little lonely in that department. Maybe it's the approach of the holidays, or the fact that it's been sooooo long since I've connected with a fella. Since I've even been really interested in anyone. Still... better to be alone than to get hung up in something that's not right for anyone.

But on a much more fun subject, Miss Cheese and I got to meet Jmai last night! She was in town on business and we made her drink giant cocktails at the scene of many of our drunken evenings of yore. It was great fun, and she is as lovely and fun in person as she is on the Internets.

I have a terrible feeling some unflattering photos will be making an appearance soon on her blog.

And now she knows just what dorks we truly are.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

More questions than answers...

Why do some people insist on bringing their dogs to the nail salon? That can't be good for a pooch, to inhale all those chemicals.

How can I get the baristas at the Starbucks I drop by most often on the way to work to stop being so chatty and just get on with my beverage? Without being an asshole, I mean?

Why is everyone else in my 'hood doing their laundry tonight, forcing me to fight the Battle of the Dryers? (Edited to add: I won!)

What wine goes best with folding laundry?

How did it get to be mid-November already? Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK, fer crissakes...! I just realized yesterday that I'm going to need to start packing over the weekend for my annual Turkey Day trip to SoCal!

Where'd this giant pile of crap on my dining room table come from? I'd been doing such a good job of keeping the crap to a minimum...

Why can't I manage to pluck the annoying hair I can feel on my chin? I might end up digging a hole there if I'm not careful.

What should I wear to work tomorrow?

Can you tell I have nothing to blog about?

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Sunday meme-ing...

She got me again!

Here's the deal:
1. Grab the nearest book. If you are currently reading something, that'll be fine too.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 4 sentences on your Blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag 5 people

The book: Eve Ensler's "Insecure at Last: Losing It In Our Security Obsessed World." (I haven't started it yet, but it IS the nearest book. And I adore her.)

"It hardens them spiritually and psychologically. But if there are no processes or programs through which people can take responsibility for their crimes, admit their guilt, look at what led them to commit those crimes, and release their sorrow and suffering, there is no possibility of change. Not for the prisoners or their victims. I question deeply the value of punishment/retaliation."

Cheery Sunday morning reading, no?

Who am I tagging? After the last trick meme, I'll let you decide if you want to do this one.

See how nice I can be?

Saturday, November 11, 2006

I'm sorry...

...but there's no wine left in California.

I bought it all. Or tasted it all.

Seriously. There are a bajillion bottles currently sitting on my dining room table.

The funny thing is that when I was grocery shopping the night before the grand wine extravaganza, I found myself, by habit, in the wine aisle. I nearly bought something before I realized how ridiculous that was.

The highlight of the day was a winery I've never even heard of -- the Mayo Family Winery. It's kind of a boutique winery, and they make really good wine. But the really cool thing is the food and wine pairings they do at their reserve room. Oh. My. GOD, the food was AMAZING with the wine. The wine definitely enhanced the food, and vice-versa. AND the chef went out of his way to rework some of the recipes to make them gluten-free for me. They couldn't have been nicer or more accomodating and OH MY GOD, did I mention the extreme yumminess?

There was a low point, also, when we stopped at a winery I've been visiting for two decades (!!). Back then, the winemaker and his wife sold wine out of their garage, and it was a completely charming experience with really great wine. Over the years, they've built bigger and nicer tasting rooms, but hadn't turned into a corporate-esque entity. It still had most of the charm of a smaller winery.

Until now. They've become Frass Canyon (as in, "Sideways"). There was a wait to taste, and then the tasting turned into a sideshow for tourists. I hate that. Thank goodness I can still order the wines I like online, because I won't be stopping there ever again.

Where else did I go? Lots of great places, some of which we just tripped over on previous outings. Hop Kiln (the Thousand Flowers wine is amaaaaazing.). Roshambo (which hosts the regional Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament each June -- it's hilarious). Landmark (which makes amazing Chardonnay). And Prager Port Works. If you like port, you must try their Noble Companion Tawny Port. It is TO DIE FOR. I'm not one to spend 50 bucks on a bottle of wine, but I will always gladly fork that over for this stuff.

It was a wonderful day all around, with good company, spectacular weather, and great wine in mostly unpretentious places.

Now the question is, which bottle do I open first?

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


Can you hear it?

My sigh of relief?

The election's over, and I could not be more thrilled. And I'm not even talking about the results, which, for a change, were pretty good in my view (aside from Arnie's ginormous win).

No, I mean all the logistical planning and other preparations that have weighed me down the last several weeks paid off. Things went pretty much according to plan. I was so worried that I'd overlooked something major, but there were no disasters.

And it was so satisying to clear my desk of the piles of election-related crud today.


And now, on to my reward -- a day in wine country. Ahhhhh.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Tricky meme...

1. Explain what ended your last relationship? Hahahahahahahahaha.

2. When was the last time you shaved? A week ago. When I last wore a dress.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? Waking up, earlier than I wanted to.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Reading blogs.

5. Are you any good at math? Hahahahahaha. NO.

6. Your prom night? Which one? I went to three. 1. My junior prom, with my boyfriend at the time. I wore a peach-colored dress. That's more than I really want to remember about that night....OH! Wait. Our theme was "Stairway to Heaven," (???) and at the end of the night, many people were pissed that the band -- a Latin salsa band -- didn't play the song. Like you could dance to it. Sheesh.
2. My senior prom, with the guy I ended up marrying. We weren't dating yet, and I suspect that's why we had a better time than some of our friends did. However, when our group went to the beach for a little after-prom gathering, we nearly got left behind at the hotel where the prom was held. I wore a black dress, and that was considered quite scandalous at my school in the early 80s. It was so much more appropriate for me than the peach thing I wore the year before.
3. The ex-hub's senior prom (he's a year younger than I), and I wore another scandalous black dress. We spent about 45 minutes driving around lost on the grounds of Camp Pendleton, because we'd missed the turn for the Officers' Club. Surprised we didn't get arrested by the MPs.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors? None that I'm aware of.

8. Have you had to take a loan out for school? Luckily, no. Because my dad was in the military, I had VA benefits to help me through college. And I also worked part of the time.

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile? People my age aren't allowed on MySpace. Or shouldn't be.

10. Last thing received in the mail? A couple of catalogues and my prized Entertainment Weekly.

11. How many different beverages have you had today? Three. Water, OJ, and coffee. Later, there will be wine. Oh yes, there will be wine.

12. Do you ever leave messages on people’s answering machines? Of course. Who doesn't?

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? Andy Gibb. Give me a break, I was 13! And my next show, about six months later, was Heart. I hearted them for years. I still heart them.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? No.

15. What was the most painful dental procedure you have had? It's called a frenectomy, where the surgeon moves the tissue that connects your upper lip to your gum. It had to be done to accomodate my orthodontia. It hurt like fucking hell.

16. What is out your back door? The trash chute.

17. Any plans for Friday night? Last night? Laundry. Next week? I'm supposed to have drinks with a former co-worker.

18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? Not really, but I love the ocean so much, I forgive it.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? No. What a weird question.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? Yes, many times. Love 'em.

21. Do you re-use towels after you shower? Hell yes!

22. Some things you are excited about? The passing of this election. My upcoming trips for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? I don't have one. I don't really eat Jello.

24. Describe your keychain(s)? I have a bajillion keys. I need five for my apartment building alone - garage, mailbox, building front door, and the two locks on MY front door. Two for work -- my office and my boss' office. My car key, my club (as in, anti-theft device) key. And a Holy Grail keychain, from Spamalot.

26. Where do you keep your change? In my wallet. I also have a penny jar at home, and a small piggy bank for other non-penny or quarter (I separate those for laundry and parking meters) change.

27. What kind of winter coat do you own? I have two. The ill-gotten coat, and this other one. Mostly I wear jackets, as it doesn't get brutally cold here most of the time.

28. What was the weather like on your graduation day? It rained on my high school graduation, which was, of course, held outdoors. It was the only time that ever happened at my school up to that point. And it was sunny and warm for my college graduation, which was also unusual. Hmm... interesting pattern. Freakish weather at both of my graduations...

29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? Closed.

30. Did you read this far? Consider yourself tagged! That's the trick! Hahahahahaha. Ha. Yeah.


friday night laundry

my life is so glamorous

wait until next week

I can't wait until this election is over. Not only am I sick to death of all the commercials on radio and TV, I'm entirely swamped at work because of it. Keep your fingers crossed that all my planning will pay off...

Luckily, a good friend is visiting next week and I'm taking a day off so we can hit wine country after the election hell ends. I plan to buy all sorts of yummy wine. And taste everything in sight.

Looks like I may have dodged a bullet, where my health is concerned. I'm starting to think now that what I was feeling was allergy stuff, and then the flu shot I got on Wednesday exacerbated my symptoms (and I have a lovely welt on my arm too. So do some of my co-workers). Yesterday, I could easily have put my head down on my desk and slept all day. Today, my energy level's more normal. For a Friday. After a long and taxing week.

Why, you're asking yourself, have I put that picture up there? The movie's on TV tonight, and I'm watching for the first time in eons. I'd forgotten how much I like this film. My mom must have made me watch it a thousand times during my childhood, and I can still recite a frightening amount of the dialogue.

Which is really entertaining when you're the only person in the room.
Hey, did I mention the little Halloween gathering I went to the other afternoon/evening? I got to leave work early to go to a posh bar and have cocktails on my employer's dime. It was really fun. And the cocktails were yummy, too.
Yaay, Friday! Damn, I'm tired.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Note to self: Get thee to a newsstand right away!

Oh no-ku...

no. not now. really.
i don't have time to get sick
go, immune system!
allergies, maybe?
maybe. maybe not. can't tell.
on the borderline.
alka seltzer plus.
nyquil cough. zinc lozenges.
hope they do the trick.

(this is what happens when you leave work early because you're not feeling so hot, and you don't have the focus to read anything. haiku-rama!)