Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

More questions than answers...

Why do some people insist on bringing their dogs to the nail salon? That can't be good for a pooch, to inhale all those chemicals.

How can I get the baristas at the Starbucks I drop by most often on the way to work to stop being so chatty and just get on with my beverage? Without being an asshole, I mean?

Why is everyone else in my 'hood doing their laundry tonight, forcing me to fight the Battle of the Dryers? (Edited to add: I won!)

What wine goes best with folding laundry?

How did it get to be mid-November already? Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK, fer crissakes...! I just realized yesterday that I'm going to need to start packing over the weekend for my annual Turkey Day trip to SoCal!

Where'd this giant pile of crap on my dining room table come from? I'd been doing such a good job of keeping the crap to a minimum...

Why can't I manage to pluck the annoying hair I can feel on my chin? I might end up digging a hole there if I'm not careful.

What should I wear to work tomorrow?

Can you tell I have nothing to blog about?

At 14 November, 2006 18:52, Blogger DZER said...

wear something freshly laundered.

I left nothing on the table.

I hate battling for dryers ... which is why I usually ditch out of work early and laundry nights, to beat the other working slobs there ... I'm outta there while they're trailing in.

At 14 November, 2006 19:27, Blogger Natalia said...

I could otally be wrong. But these are my thoughts :)

1. It could be that some people that have no kids but desperately want kids think of their pets as kids and drag them everywhere.

2. If they are being chatty with you, be on your mobile. Pretend to make the other person wait while you order and go back to your conversation. If possible, throw in something like "Yes, I'll be there as soon as I humanly can." If they are being chatty to each other, be an asshole...they should know better.

3. Ummm...I have a washer/dryer. I have nothing on this one. But if you talk to yourself people tend to disperse.

4. The correct answer is ANY wine.

5. It has something to do with the rotation of the earth and its travels around the sun. But this is hearsay.

6. Crap reprodces at a higher rate than humans clean. This is NOT hearsay.

7. It (the hair) likes it in your chin and refuses to be evicted. How would you feel if someone came and wanted to get you out with giant pliers?

8. Nothing at all. If you are naked, you will be sent home. Bonus!

9. No, I am dumb. I can't usually figure anything out. But you knew this.


At 14 November, 2006 19:54, Blogger Blondie said...

Why do I find it impossible to shred/file/properly dispose of all mail items/bills? And why do I end up keeping these things in huge stacks for about 5 years at a time?

At 14 November, 2006 19:56, Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

1) Perhaps their humans think of them less as animals and more as ornaments. And if it's so bad for dogs, what are humans doing in there?

2)Mnn. Oh. Mm-hmm. Ah.

3)Perhaps it's once again time to consider the laundry service?

4) I would go with an auslese, perhaps from the mosel-saar-ruwer region of Germany. The semisweet crispness of this wine would cut through the warm earthy tones of freshly-dried cotton (especially if one uses a dryer sheet). As a snack, might I suggest toasted brie with almonds on an English muffin?

4a)"I don't wanna fold laundry! Why can't I use a laundry service?" Oops. Sorry. Wrong spelling

5) Because years don't last as long as they used to. For my youngest son, a year is one-tenth of his life. For me, one-tenth of my life is nearly half a decade. The more of them there are, the faster they seem to go.

6) Did your wine purchases displace the crap from its normal hiding places?

7) Sorry kid, you're on your own.

8) Black leather knee-length skirt, stiletto-heeled boots, blue satin blouse and a propeller beanie.

9) What's your point? Seinfeld did a show about nothing for a decade.


At 14 November, 2006 21:13, Blogger Heidi the Hick said...

Gah! That chin hair! Why didn't anybody warn us about that?

I think the dining room table junk fairies came to my house after yours.

Scary. sorry I can't help you with that. Although I do think beer goes well with laundry folding. Works for me!

At 14 November, 2006 23:29, Blogger factory_peasant said...

1. some humans (mostly women) drag a dog around everywhere they go no matter what time of day or where it is. the nail salon is probably just one stop in a long list of random, erratic locations their pet gets to observe and investigate. there's a dingbat housewife in my neighborhood that takes her miniature poodle with her everywhere she goes... but she puts in in a baby carriage. should i shoot her? you decide.

2.the best way to get annoyingly chatty food service workers to shut up is to inform them your child/spouse/pet has just died. you won't be thought of as being a dick because they won't know any better anyway and instead they'll just send you on your way pronto. works for me all the time. y0e. must be in the wrong hood.

4. okay this one is simple. if yer in a laundromat folding laundry then you need fortified wine like Thunderbird. if you're at home folding laundry then you need high quality Cabernet Sauvignon. i recommend Estancia.

5.let's do the time warp again?

6.i snuck in and put it there. my part time job requires i do that to people only on Tuesdays. sorry.

7.proper tool for the job. using a wide flaired paint chisel isn't a good idea for such precision chin maintenance. Rubis of Switzerland makes excellent micro tweezers from sugical steel. de-magnitized too. look into it.


At 15 November, 2006 14:51, Blogger The Missouri Savage said...

Alls I can answer is the wine queston... You wand a chablis, blanc de noir or a chardonnay when folding laundry.. or any other white wine.....unless you have nothing but dark clothing. Then a red is satisfactory (merlot being my fave) as to why I prefer white wines while folding laundry? Whites don't stain clothing.....

At 15 November, 2006 18:48, Blogger Queen of Cheese said...

factory_peasant is a funny funny person!!

At least your starbucks is OPEN WHEN THEY SAY THEY WILL BE!!

I can't get too mad about the dog in the manicurists. Peanut who is not even my dog has accompanied me to weirder places (back room at Dalva, for instance) The air ain't too fresh their neither.

Laundromats are sucky no matter what. You have a dryer shortage, I have a gauntlet. Neither is pleasant, clean clothes are a necessity.

At 15 November, 2006 21:06, Blogger terry said...

you guys are too funny.

i'm serious. if i had more time, and had had less wine tonight (hello!), i'd try to respond individually.

just know that i'm wearing a beanie and drinking red wine (not folding laundry now) while rubbing my smooth chin (i finally got that fucking hair!) while ignoring the shit pile on my dining room table.

and, pirate? mosel say what??? hahahahahahaha.

thanks for the laughs!

At 16 November, 2006 22:32, Blogger Jon said...

I am so glad I have my own washer and dryer. You can borrow mine when you're in town.

I know what you mean about November. I got an F-ing birthday coming up... SHIT!!!!

I have the same issue with the dining room table. I need to do a major de-mucking before T-day

All of the hair (except those on my head) are annoying.

At 17 November, 2006 11:19, Blogger sassinak said...

this is like the tenth blog i've been to where a comment i left isn't there. this is fucking weird.

watch those chin hairs babe, they grow more of them if you don't watch it. and then i recommend electrolysis

At 17 November, 2006 13:57, Blogger cadbury_vw said...

drinking wine while doing laundry?

so, if i drink wine i will actually fold and iron my laundry

brilliant idea

i have six baskets of washed but unfolded/unironed laundry

i have been wearing sweaters and no iron clothes for about 3 weeks now...


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