Once upon a time...
... there was a dorky girl who was bored and sick and cranky about her lousy, overwhelming December. And even though she said she'd never do it again, she signed up for an online dating service, and...
Okay, already I have to stop writing in the third person. I'm annoying the hell out of myself.
Let's start over. Settle in for a long read.
Back in December, when I was sick and bored, I signed up for an online dating service, despite my vow never to do so again. Why? I was inspired by a couple of longtime single friends who'd recently started new relationships with people they'd met online. And a couple of you -- I'm looking at you and you -- had written more than once about a service you'd liked. I figured there was no harm in it, though I really didn't expect anything to come of it.
After a few weeks of those never-ending inappropriate emails from strangers (and I do mean strange), along with notes from a few interesting guys who suddenly fell off the face of the earth, one fella I'd been chatting with suggested a meeting. Let's have dessert, he said, which I found utterly charming.
Note: you're going to see some form of the word "charming" frequently in this post.
Dessert. Cute. Not as big a commitment as dinner, in case it's a horror match right off the bat, but more creative than coffee.
When we met, dessert actually became dinner. A few hours after we parted, in the wee hours of the morning, I got a really cute text from him, saying that he'd had a great time, couldn't sleep because of it, and asking when he could see me again.
The truth is, I couldn't sleep either, because that was the best first date I've ever had. Ever. Great conversation, lots of common ground, lots of laughter. He asked lots of interesting questions. He's smart, funny, attractive, and yes, charming. Likes theatre. Likes New York! For fun, he plays bass and guitar, and when he talked about why that's so important to him, he used the very same words I use when I talk about what hula means to me. There was a lot of vigorous nodding on both sides of the table as we talked, because it seemed we agreed on so many things.
My tossing and turning that night was all about my hope that I'd made a good impression on him. I was, to say the least, intrigued. And completely charmed by his text when I awoke all bleary and cranky from lack of sleep the next morning.
I saw him a few days later, and that was another great date. At one point while we were out, he intervened in a lovers' quarrel turned violent, and managed to not only stop these two bozos from pummeling each other further, but got them talking to each other again, calmly. If you've seen the movie "The Tao of Steve,"* this is the moment wherein he was Excellent In My Presence.
By this time, I was smitten. I couldn't remember (still can't) the last time I'd met a man that was so easy to be with. And of course, this is when the worry started... as in, this can't be real. It's too good to be true, right? When's the other shoe going to drop? Have I dropped my guard too quickly?
The thing is, he completely disarmed me. I couldn't help but drop my guard. It all felt so right, so easy, which was stunning to me.
My worries were magnified by the amount of time it took for us to schedule our next date. He's as busy as I am, so finding a mutually agreeable evening was challenging, but we did it.
It was pouring rain when he came to pick me up that night, and I had suggested that he just park around the corner and wait for me to come down when he arrived at my building (no reason to park the car in this city just to pick me up) but when I got downstairs, he was outside the front door, with an umbrella, to shield ME during the ten foot walk to the car.
Who does that? I mean, really. Who? I couldn't believe it. Needless to say, this was another delightful evening. Oh MY.
But then... silence. Well, we had a brief, pleasant email exchange a few days later, but I didn't hear from him after that, which is what prompted that last post. I know men often say things they don't really mean to women, but he just didn't seem like the type.
Yes, I'm aware that I'm a little naive and idealistic about relationships.
Seriously, though... from what (admittedly little) I knew about him, he seemed like a man of integrity, and he certainly said and did alllllll the right things to make me think he was sincere. I'm very busy and he's very busy, but still... 2 1/2 weeks of silence is far too long if you're actually interested in seeing someone again. Something had clearly gone awry.
So I was faced with a dilemma: do I try to contact him, or do I let it lie, because, you know, He's Just Not That Into You? Even though he really seemed to be?
Ultimately, and after much internal debate and quizzing of friends (and thank you for your insights, friends!), I decided not to let it lie. I can't remember the last time I clicked with someone like this, so it seemed to me that it was worth giving it another shot. So I emailed him a sort of "WTF?" note.
He called me almost immediately to apologize and explain what had been going on in his life, and asked if we could pick up where we left off when I got back from New York (this was the night before I left).
Whew. And yay. Except several days later, when I emailed to see if he wanted to join me for a show I had tickets to a few days after my return, he didn't reply. I was really baffled by this, because why the hell would he have called me if he was going to blow me off?
He called me the day I returned home, and scored points for actually remembering when I was getting home. Apologized for the slow reply, asked if the invitation still stood. Part of me wanted to say no, on principle, but I said yes, knowing that we'd have to have a little chat about communication and my needs in this area.
I didn't even have to bring it up -- he did. We cleared that up, had a wonderful evening, and he did the right thing in sending a most charming text the next day. Oh, the things he says to me.... And I saw him again a few nights ago, so I am pleased with the way things are going, if a tad wary. It's still early, after all.
Because I LIKE him like him. He's really something else. And completely unexpected.
*if you haven't, you really should. ignore the lame art on the DVD cover -- it's one of my favorite movies! so cleverly written.
After a few weeks of those never-ending inappropriate emails from strangers (and I do mean strange), along with notes from a few interesting guys who suddenly fell off the face of the earth, one fella I'd been chatting with suggested a meeting. Let's have dessert, he said, which I found utterly charming.
Note: you're going to see some form of the word "charming" frequently in this post.
Dessert. Cute. Not as big a commitment as dinner, in case it's a horror match right off the bat, but more creative than coffee.
When we met, dessert actually became dinner. A few hours after we parted, in the wee hours of the morning, I got a really cute text from him, saying that he'd had a great time, couldn't sleep because of it, and asking when he could see me again.
The truth is, I couldn't sleep either, because that was the best first date I've ever had. Ever. Great conversation, lots of common ground, lots of laughter. He asked lots of interesting questions. He's smart, funny, attractive, and yes, charming. Likes theatre. Likes New York! For fun, he plays bass and guitar, and when he talked about why that's so important to him, he used the very same words I use when I talk about what hula means to me. There was a lot of vigorous nodding on both sides of the table as we talked, because it seemed we agreed on so many things.
My tossing and turning that night was all about my hope that I'd made a good impression on him. I was, to say the least, intrigued. And completely charmed by his text when I awoke all bleary and cranky from lack of sleep the next morning.
I saw him a few days later, and that was another great date. At one point while we were out, he intervened in a lovers' quarrel turned violent, and managed to not only stop these two bozos from pummeling each other further, but got them talking to each other again, calmly. If you've seen the movie "The Tao of Steve,"* this is the moment wherein he was Excellent In My Presence.
By this time, I was smitten. I couldn't remember (still can't) the last time I'd met a man that was so easy to be with. And of course, this is when the worry started... as in, this can't be real. It's too good to be true, right? When's the other shoe going to drop? Have I dropped my guard too quickly?
The thing is, he completely disarmed me. I couldn't help but drop my guard. It all felt so right, so easy, which was stunning to me.
My worries were magnified by the amount of time it took for us to schedule our next date. He's as busy as I am, so finding a mutually agreeable evening was challenging, but we did it.
It was pouring rain when he came to pick me up that night, and I had suggested that he just park around the corner and wait for me to come down when he arrived at my building (no reason to park the car in this city just to pick me up) but when I got downstairs, he was outside the front door, with an umbrella, to shield ME during the ten foot walk to the car.
Who does that? I mean, really. Who? I couldn't believe it. Needless to say, this was another delightful evening. Oh MY.
But then... silence. Well, we had a brief, pleasant email exchange a few days later, but I didn't hear from him after that, which is what prompted that last post. I know men often say things they don't really mean to women, but he just didn't seem like the type.
Yes, I'm aware that I'm a little naive and idealistic about relationships.
Seriously, though... from what (admittedly little) I knew about him, he seemed like a man of integrity, and he certainly said and did alllllll the right things to make me think he was sincere. I'm very busy and he's very busy, but still... 2 1/2 weeks of silence is far too long if you're actually interested in seeing someone again. Something had clearly gone awry.
So I was faced with a dilemma: do I try to contact him, or do I let it lie, because, you know, He's Just Not That Into You? Even though he really seemed to be?
Ultimately, and after much internal debate and quizzing of friends (and thank you for your insights, friends!), I decided not to let it lie. I can't remember the last time I clicked with someone like this, so it seemed to me that it was worth giving it another shot. So I emailed him a sort of "WTF?" note.
He called me almost immediately to apologize and explain what had been going on in his life, and asked if we could pick up where we left off when I got back from New York (this was the night before I left).
Whew. And yay. Except several days later, when I emailed to see if he wanted to join me for a show I had tickets to a few days after my return, he didn't reply. I was really baffled by this, because why the hell would he have called me if he was going to blow me off?
He called me the day I returned home, and scored points for actually remembering when I was getting home. Apologized for the slow reply, asked if the invitation still stood. Part of me wanted to say no, on principle, but I said yes, knowing that we'd have to have a little chat about communication and my needs in this area.
I didn't even have to bring it up -- he did. We cleared that up, had a wonderful evening, and he did the right thing in sending a most charming text the next day. Oh, the things he says to me.... And I saw him again a few nights ago, so I am pleased with the way things are going, if a tad wary. It's still early, after all.
Because I LIKE him like him. He's really something else. And completely unexpected.
*if you haven't, you really should. ignore the lame art on the DVD cover -- it's one of my favorite movies! so cleverly written.
posted by terry @ 9:13 PM
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