Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Saturday, February 14, 2009

It's far too soon to write about this...

...but I've already learned a great lesson, so here goes...

Early last year, for several months, I was spending some time with a guy. We were kinda sorta a little bit dating, but it was always a little unclear. It's too difficult to explain why, so just go with it. It fizzled out -- well, it was going nowhere, so I took a big step away from the whole situation. I was impatient. It seemed pointless.

And it wasn't at all difficult to step away, which meant one of two things: it wasn't right, or I had truly become a commitment-phobe. For a few years now, I've been wondering whether I've been single for so long that I couldn't let anyone in anymore. It took me a long time to build a new life that I liked after my divorce, and I thought maybe I'd done such a good job that I'd forgotten how to be in a relationship.

A few years prior, I dated a really great guy. Smart, considerate, great to talk to, liked me a lot.... but I had no physical attraction to him. I knew I had to end it the first time he kissed me, because I wanted him to stop.

A very dear friend of mine has been convinced that I wasn't attracted to him BECAUSE he liked me. That I was only attracted to "bad boys." I've certainly shown some poor judgment along the way, but I don't like the bad boy thing at all. AT ALL. But still, I wondered if maybe she was a little bit right, because I sometimes find myself feeling very uncomfortable being pursued.

At the same time, I've always believed deep down that once I met the right person, things would fall into place. It wouldn't be so complicated. This isn't supposed to be so complicated, right? I mean, relationships are challenging, but it shouldn't be so hard for one to get off the ground. Either you have a connection with someone, or you don't. And the connection has to be both emotional and physical for something more than a friendship to develop.

I know now that I was right about that. I don't want to say anything more just yet, for fear of jinxing anything, but... wow. Just... wow.

Happy Valentine's Day, all!

Monday, February 02, 2009


...this nuttiness has to stop!

Remember all the ups and downs I mentioned recently? (yeah, I know... "recently" here has become "a month ago." Whatevs.) They continue.

I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel... maybe... and one of those ups has been really great. And surprising. But I can't really talk about it yet -- that might jinx it.

For now, I leave you with this: I can't believe how nice it is not to be wholly embarassed by the President of the United States. To actually... ADMIRE him. Wow!