It's far too soon to write about this...

...but I've already learned a great lesson, so here goes...

Early last year, for several months, I was spending some time with a guy. We were kinda sorta a little bit dating, but it was always a little unclear. It's too difficult to explain why, so just go with it. It fizzled out -- well, it was going nowhere, so I took a big step away from the whole situation. I was impatient. It seemed pointless.

And it wasn't at all difficult to step away, which meant one of two things: it wasn't right, or I had truly become a commitment-phobe. For a few years now, I've been wondering whether I've been single for so long that I couldn't let anyone in anymore. It took me a long time to build a new life that I liked after my divorce, and I thought maybe I'd done such a good job that I'd forgotten how to be in a relationship.

A few years prior, I dated a really great guy. Smart, considerate, great to talk to, liked me a lot.... but I had no physical attraction to him. I knew I had to end it the first time he kissed me, because I wanted him to stop.

A very dear friend of mine has been convinced that I wasn't attracted to him BECAUSE he liked me. That I was only attracted to "bad boys." I've certainly shown some poor judgment along the way, but I don't like the bad boy thing at all. AT ALL. But still, I wondered if maybe she was a little bit right, because I sometimes find myself feeling very uncomfortable being pursued.

At the same time, I've always believed deep down that once I met the right person, things would fall into place. It wouldn't be so complicated. This isn't supposed to be so complicated, right? I mean, relationships are challenging, but it shouldn't be so hard for one to get off the ground. Either you have a connection with someone, or you don't. And the connection has to be both emotional and physical for something more than a friendship to develop.

I know now that I was right about that. I don't want to say anything more just yet, for fear of jinxing anything, but... wow. Just... wow.

Happy Valentine's Day, all!