Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Sunday, February 04, 2007


What an odd weekend this has been. The sun's shining, the temperature's warming up some, and I feel like crap. So this post will be even more disjointed than most.

Even really good vodka can kick you in the ass if you have too much. As I did on Friday night. And then I was awakened much earlier yesterday than I wanted to be by a phone call alerting me to a crisis in a special work project I'd spent a whole lot of time on. Luckily, a few hours later, after several phone calls, I got the news that the crisis had been resolved. Thank goodness. But dealing with that with an extreme hangover was not at all fun.

And now I think the crud that some of my co-workers have been dealing with has finally invaded my system. I've been feeling borderline all week, and I think the vodka may have pushed it over the edge.

Here's a surprise: when I'm at home washing dishes or cooking, I often find myself singing, if I haven't turned on the stereo. Usually it's "Fly Me to the Moon" because I just love that song, even though my voice kinda ruins it for me. Now, I find myself in the chants we're learning in hula class. Weird. I'm not sure when that transition happened.

Here's a sign that you've shopped too much: you know your credit card number AND the little secret security code without looking at the card.

Why can't I do a better job of keeping a consistent bedtime? I have always been a night owl, but for the past 15 years or so, I've had to get up awfully early for work. But like a little kid, I fight going to bed early, even though I love to sleep. And can barely stay awake past 11 p.m. I shouldn't even be trying...

I just learned this week that our mailoom guys at work x-ray all of our packages. Well, duh... that makes sense. It just surprised me when one commented that he didn't think the shoes I'd just gotten would fit him. Then he went on to tell me about the dildo they spotted in a package destined for someone else in the building.

From now on, I'll be sure to take special care when having packages sent to work.

At 04 February, 2007 18:18, Blogger The Savage said...

So me fed ex-ing myself would be a bad idea?

At 04 February, 2007 18:34, Blogger SignGurl said...

That sucks that you can't have sex toys sent to work anymore.

Good vodka has kicked my ass a time or two, also. I always thought that alcohol knocked the crud out. I hope that's the case for you.

At 04 February, 2007 19:56, Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

I don't know what a good vodka hangover feels like. I've only had an "Old Mister Boston" vodka hangover once. When I was a senior in college. And my mom was driving up to meet me that day. It was her birthday.

Old Mister Vodka and me have sorta kept our distance since then.

"Fly Me to the Moon?" Really? Cuz my dishwashing song is "Come Fly With Me." The 1966 "Sinatra at the Sands" version.

I was going to say that the mailroom guy was flirting with you, and then I realized you live in San Francisco. Perhaps you'll take Judy's place as a transgender icon?


At 04 February, 2007 20:33, Blogger terry said...

savage, you might enjoy a ride through the mail x-ray machine,tho...

signgurl, that wasn't MY sex toy they spotted...!

and i've felt so yucky this weekend i'm not sure which is hangover and which is crud.

old mister boston? pirate, that's one i've never heard of. could your mom tell you were hungover?

come fly with me is another excellent sing-around-the-house tune. sinatra cds are great for cleaning house.

At 04 February, 2007 22:53, Blogger Natalia said...

A consistent bedtime is just not possible for me. I'd like some vodka please!


At 05 February, 2007 05:52, Blogger JMai said...

It's such an invasion of privacy, isn't it? The x-raying? I mean, there is the argument that you shouldn't get such packages at work, but if you get them delivered to your home (where of course you aren't, most of the time), then there's no one there to sign for them. If the delivery guy leaves them on your doorstep --arguably the most convenient option -- there's the possibility that an unscrupulous neighbour will take them, or they're subject to the elements (rain, extreme heat ...hope there's no chocolate in there!). Worse, if he doesn't leave them, then you have to arrange for a redelivery or to pick it up, and their hours are inevitably ones that you couldn't possibly make yourself available for.

I guess I'll take the x-ray.

At 05 February, 2007 11:38, Blogger Queen of Cheese said...

mmmm vodka

At 05 February, 2007 12:13, Blogger Natalie said...

I think the company I work in is small (and non-profit) enough that they don't x-ray. we don't even have a mailroom. It is something to keep in mind when I get a different job eventually. Kind of spooky. Hope you feel better.

At 05 February, 2007 14:38, Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Oh, extremely yes. She was pissed. Then she dragged me around town, where I threw up in some of the bathrooms of some of the finest stores in the area.

Just thinking about it makes me a little bit oogy.


At 05 February, 2007 14:50, Blogger cadbury_vw said...

good thing that wasn't a set of dildoes tied together or they might have thought it was dynamite...

vodka hangovers were always cleaner than wine or Jack Daniels hangovers

but actually having to do work - and have pressure


good thing i was young when i had hangovers...

At 05 February, 2007 15:44, Blogger Love Monkey said...

vodka always gives me a headache. I'm appauled about the x-ray thing. How's one supposed to get the toys one has to have because one has no time to see a real man because one is at work all the time. HMMMMM????? just askin.

Chants and Hula??? huh???

At 05 February, 2007 17:37, Blogger buddha_girl said...

OH MY GOD! I am laughing so hard, Terry! I have to be honest:

When you said the mailguy xrays everything, I immediately thought you were going to say he found one of YOUR sex toys. (I live in the gutter sometimes!)

Perhaps you should have asked him how long he's been cross-dressing.

At 05 February, 2007 19:06, Blogger terry said...

nat, i'm glad i'm not alone in the bedtime thing.
and i should send you some of my vodka so i don't drink it...!

jmai, my former employer frowned on us getting personal packages at work... so it's really lovely that there's recognition at my current workplace that we're there all day long... how are we supposed to get packages at home? so it's permitted. i don't mind the x-ray, actually... as i understand why they're doing it.

i'll just be sure not to have anything "interesting" sent there!

cheese, mmm... and soda! i'd have been in better shape if i'd gone that route...

natalie, just make sure your dildos get sent to your home!

pirate, i don't see why she'd be upset if you threw up in the bathrooms. if you'd thrown up in the stores themselves, then yeah...

oogy. great word.

cad, i gotta say... those vodka hangovers hurt. i don't know about jack hangovers.

lovemonkey, it's best to make those purchase in person, apparently...
as for the chants... the songs we dance to are technically chants, and we have to learn the chants as well as the steps that go with them.

buddhagirl, let's just say i'm glad i got the warning before i DID have anything questionable sent to work!

At 05 February, 2007 19:21, Blogger FATSO said...

Being a libertarian at heart, I am horrified that anyone would x-ray stuff "for my protection"

I're a growm woman and should be able to buy sex toys and have them sent anywhere and NOT worry that the contents would be embarrassing.

I suspect that the Moral Majoritites take a great deal of pleasure in this; they could give a rat's ass about terrorism, but they DO want to be able to stimulate their prurient interests in lookingt at people's mail. and justifying it in the name of "national security". ..then again, maybe I am just paranoid!

At 05 February, 2007 22:19, Blogger Chelle said...

Uh oh...I think I just realized I do too much shopping... I am one of those who know my Visa nuber AND the lil security number on the back.....eek! I also know my DL#....I guess that came from years of writing checks. *hanging my head in shame* I am Chelle and I am a shopping addict!

At 06 February, 2007 09:09, Blogger DZER said...

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me

At 06 February, 2007 09:42, Blogger cadbury_vw said...

Jack Daniels hangovers are sour and nasty and unclean. A vodka hangover is straight up pain. JD leaves your stomach sour and acid, and makes your body feel like your mouth tastes and feels - like it's been scraped from the bottom of a birdcage. It heads the direction of a beer or wine hangover - you know the aftermath of all that yeast. JD is a sour mash whiskey...

At 06 February, 2007 11:09, Blogger sassinak said...

i MIXED one shot of jack with six beers

did i get a beer hangover? oh no, would that it were so but no

i got a jack hangover that left me with a DAY LONG HEADACHE!


At 06 February, 2007 11:32, Blogger terry said...

fatso, you make an excellent point. but this procedure pre-dates the post 9/11 loss of civil rights. i work in a place with a lot of prominent people who've been targeted by crazies, so i understand the need.

chelle, i'm right there with you!

dzer... sigh...! lovely.

cadbury, that sounds HORRIFYING. i'm glad i don't drink jack.

sass, that's hilarious. that jack sounds like an asshole.

At 07 February, 2007 05:09, Blogger Blondie said...

I loooooooooove the randomness of this post. I too have been getting annoying work phone calls at bad times and feeling bleh. I think it might be the weather, or the fact that it is February. February sucks. So does Valentine's Day.


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