Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Hey, fucktard...

....your minivan does NOT belong in a parking spot designated for a compact car!

Your minivan isn't small, despite the presence of the word "mini" in the name!


(whew. i had to get that off my chest.)

Oh, and for those who were wondering: I've had exactly one more response to my silly online dating thingie, bringing the grand total to (wait for it!): FOUR.

The latest comes from a guy who's 3 inches shorter than I am, and who describes himself as "ultra conservative."

And it's the latter that's most troubling to me.

I can't help but laugh.

At 30 January, 2007 18:48, Blogger Laura said...

ah, yes.
Well, I can't really give you any hopeful or funny sayings about internet dating, I have not really ever entered that realm.

Ah, but the parking. That would piss me off too. Sometimes I envision myself waiting for whoever does some stupid parking move and slapping them across the face.

At 30 January, 2007 18:49, Blogger Laura said...

k clearly i am bored.

At 30 January, 2007 20:17, Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Lots of hot liberal guys in my neck o' the woods. Heh, heh, heh.

And we never* park our minivans in compact car spaces.

*well, hardly ever.

At 30 January, 2007 20:21, Blogger terry said...

laura, i hope you never enter that realm. it's just weird.

and i LOVE the idea of a weekend-long pajama party! we should SO do that!!

i actually say the jackass minivan park -- after going the wrong way into the garage attached to my fave grocery store -- and i just stood there, speechless. i couldn't believe it, so i couldn't speak. i wish i had.

pirate... *sigh... damn those 3000 miles...

At 30 January, 2007 20:22, Blogger terry said...

um... that should say i "SAW" the jackass minivan park. not say.

um. yeah. red. wine and blogging don't go together..

At 30 January, 2007 20:26, Blogger Chelle said...

When I first read that you said the latest online guy was 3 inches shorter than you...I thought it said he had 3 inches!! LOL I was like...WHO would put that in an online dating profile???? LOL I'ma perv.....what can I say? LOL

Yanno..I minivans just have a bad matter who,what, where,when,why or how they do something....they are not good. LOL You know HOW glad I am that I dont drive oneanymore??? LOL I HATED it...ugh!! hehe

At 30 January, 2007 21:03, Blogger terry said...

chelle... you're a bigger perv than i am!!! i didn't think that was possible.

and you know, i understand the need for minivans. i have friends who need them.

i also know they don't need to park in the goddamned compact spots...!

At 30 January, 2007 23:14, Blogger Reg said...

Yikes! Good luck with that! I once sat in a community college library (read: any joe can come in and use the 'puters) next to this really creepy guy filling out an online form. Seriously, he looked like he was both homeless and mental. I couldn't help but peek at what he was writing and let me tell you, he was making himself out to be the next George Clooney. Ever since then, I am cempletely distrustful of anyone online... Be Careful but have fun!!!

At 31 January, 2007 00:34, Blogger The Savage said...

You have spots designed for compact cars? weird... I guess my Chevy is out of the question when parking there.... makes a minivan look.. ummmmmmm well...... mini...

At 31 January, 2007 05:27, Blogger Blondie said...

I was bored this weekend and was looking at personals. I found the perfect guy. Hot, tall, good job, nice comments/description. Then I saw the dreaded word:



At 31 January, 2007 07:45, Blogger sassinak said...


if pirate is 3000 miles from you does that make all his hot liberal men only 1000 miles from me?


also word to the minivan bullshit

At 31 January, 2007 08:07, Blogger bg's Little Sis said...

too funny, I have a minivan and always park at the far end of the lot, and never travel in the wrong direction. I need the minivan, it's better on gas than the big SUV's that would fit all my kids, so with that choice I chose minivan, the first time I drove it, it felt so HUGE backing up.

Online dating, never done it, but the man you describe is hysterical, I do hope you have better luck though, there's someone out there for you just hoping to be lucky enough to find you and enjoy the meantime, you're FABULOUS!

At 31 January, 2007 09:10, Blogger FATSO said...

I actually aquired my blog name (fatso) from Love Monkey...(yes, i will get to the point soon...)

Some guy with a huge truck (and a little tiny dick, I am sure) was trying to park his shitbox in a regular spot. He wasn't signaling and leaned on his horn when I took the spot (in my Volkswagen Jetta!)...he yelled out the window "Hey ya fuckin asshole!!! That's MY spot ya rude shitbag". Obviously this fella knew rude when he saw it.

Then of course he leaned out the window and said, "Dumbass...who the fuck do you think you are?"

Yes, well. I stood in front of his truck door (by this time I had pulled out of this teeny parking spot and taken another one).

He was a fat, bespectacled fellow who was obviously under the influence of some of Canada's finest ale. Even in his clouded state, I suspect he changed his mind fairly quickly. I smiled at him and said, "Go fuck yourself, Fatso". Damn I can be clever.

"Get the fuck out my way or I'll get out of here and kick the shit out of you". I laughed. He didn't know that I am a 2nd degree Black Belt, but I swear to God that if he had tried to get out of that truck, he'd have found out in short order. I felt myself rush with adrenaline, but remain dead calm. In retrospect, I shudder to think of the mess he'd be in (and I'd be in jail!) if he had decided to take me on.

"Come and try me, then"

He didn't.

Al this to say that some people mistake the size of their penis (small ) for the size of their vehicle (large)

As for the "ultra-conservative", have my condolences. YOu may have better luck (in all ways) with someone who drives a Honda Civic!

At 31 January, 2007 09:32, Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Sass--I'm actually just 98 miles from you. OKCupid keeps telling me that you're something like a 83% match.


At 31 January, 2007 10:16, Blogger terry said...

reg, i gotta say... i doubt there's any need for caution in my case because i don't think i'll be going on any dates in this particular online foray.

and i don't really care, to be honest. it's just...comical. and will again prove to my friends who think i should be doing more online dating that it's a pointless exercise for me.

savage, you've never seen spots in parking lots designated for compacts? is that just a california thing?

often, i see SUVs in them. those aren't compacts EITHER.

blondie, isn't that funny? i could probably date a republican, if they were on the moderate side. maybe. i have good friends who are republicans. but an ultra-conservative? no. he'd hate me as much as i'd hate him.

sass, pirate... HMMM... interesting! 98 miles ain't no thing....

little sis, i totally understand the need for a minivan. and i applaud your responsible parking!

as for dating.. yeah. whatever. i am becoming more and more convinced that i am meant to be single. and that's okay. most of the time.

fatso, that's a hilarious story. i was wondering where your blog name came from... because who even says fatso anymore? too funny.

At 31 January, 2007 10:35, Blogger Jeannette said...

I got rid of that dang minivan after nine long years and love that I'm in a CRV/crossover now, not an SUV. If my ass was meant to be up that high off of the ground, then God would have me taller than 5'3". I have actually slid/fallen out of those things and hit my ass on the way down.

They have compact parking in Atlanta and Houston.

At 31 January, 2007 12:19, Blogger masgblog said...

I can honestly say that I have never heard that term before (but I can't stop laughing either). Minivans are a contradiction in terms.

Liberals rule!

At 31 January, 2007 16:27, Blogger JMai said...

That would be the troubling part for me, too.

Non-compact cars in compact car spaces piss me off. I drive a CAMRY and I will not park in a compact spot. So a minivan? Humph!

At 31 January, 2007 19:17, Blogger terry said...

jeannette, i always feel like i have to jump down from an SUV... and i'm taller than you!

masg, GOOD POINT... about the contradiction! i hadn't even thought of that.

jmai, i'm reluctant to put my mazda 626 in a compact spot, even though it actually fits. this minivan? clearly didn't. asswipe.

At 01 February, 2007 14:27, Blogger sassinak said...

pirate i haven't looked at my okcupid matches in like um... geeze. uh.

At 03 February, 2007 11:16, Blogger cadbury_vw said...

there was sunlight glaring on my screen and i thought i saw you write:

"jmai, i'm reluctant to put my hand in a compact spot, even though it actually fits"

and i had just read the comment above about someone else thinking this guy had only three inches

and it was a bunch of information i probably didn't need until i re-read your last comment...


Post a Comment

<< Home