Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Weepfest 2006...

I have always been really bad at saying goodbye. With endings. With big change.

I'm not entirely sure where that comes from. I've always assumed it has something to do with my father's death, because that was certainly the biggest change of my childhood. I remember that when we left Virginia to move west, about nine months after he died, I had a really hard time with it. I was really sad to leave all that I knew for the unknown, and remember fighting tears on the plane.

And every ending or farewell since then has been really hard for me to handle, even when I know the change is going to be good. I even remember getting weepy at my MIDDLE SCHOOL GRADUATION CEREMONY...! WTF? I hated middle school. It was, hands down, the most difficult time of my adolescence. Why was I sad to see it end?

Leaving San Diego was also really hard for me, even though I really wanted to get the hell out of that place, and had always wanted to live in San Francisco. But I was leaving behind a boyfriend I loved (my now-ex husband), some really great friends, and felt like I was abandoning my mother (it hadn't occurred to me that she might actually LIKE to have the house to herself...!) so I cried about that for weeks. I spent most of the long drive to SF crying.

And now, I've just said farewell to a very dear friend who's moving across the country. I've known him for ages, but we've only gotten close in the last five or six years or so. He's become a trusted confidant and excellent wine-tasting partner.

He's very excited about his move, and I'm happy to see him so happy, but I'm sad for me. Isn't that selfish?

(And this, coming on top of all the other emotional upset of recent weeks... well, that's the reason for the title of this little post.)

At 04 July, 2006 12:59, Blogger cadbury_vw said...

there is no weakness in mourning loss

i feel for you

At 04 July, 2006 13:17, Blogger buddha_girl said...

Aww Terry...feeling this saddness is a sign that you value things and people who have made an impact on your life.

Middle school? That's a hell unto itself. But it made an impact on you.

While change is tough, it's also wonderful for showing us what we're made your case, excellent stock!

I'm sorry you're losing your dear friend to distance, but I'm certain he's not lost in the real sense.

*hard hugs* Keep your chin up, sister.

At 04 July, 2006 13:41, Blogger Jon said...

I think the middle school graduation thing for me was more of fear of the unknown. Who knows what is coming around the next bend. Just remember that he is still your friend. That is not lost, just the proximity is.


At 04 July, 2006 15:43, Blogger DZER said...

I'm sad that you're sad ... saying goodbye is hard, especially when it's such a close friend *hugs*

At 04 July, 2006 18:26, Blogger ell said...

so sorry your friend is leaving. a close friend of mine will be leaving next year and it gets me upset just to think about it. i hope you'll stay close. there's always the phone and of course email!

hang in there.

At 04 July, 2006 19:25, Blogger terry said...

thanks, cadbury... i appreciate that.

buddha girl, i kinda feel like i'm made of mush at the moment... but i'll pull out of all this soon. it's been a rough month. thank you.

jon, you were sad when leaving middle school too? i was so surprised about how sentimental i got about a hideous time in my life. go figure.

dzer, goodbyes suck. there's no other way to say it. i prefer having my loved ones nearby!

ell, thank god for modern technology! hope you get lots more time in with your friend before the big change.

At 04 July, 2006 22:53, Blogger sassinak said...

wow terry you're having a rainy month aren't ya?

i think regarding your previous post and your bit of extra chub that making yourself feel guilty about indulgences you already had is kind of unfair.

they were lovely and they're over. but you're only responsible for the choices you can affect now and in the future right? [er that came out serial killer]

basically let that crap go and just walk more and take the stairs and get off the trolley a stop early and and :)

and forgive yourself your transgressions. you forgive everyone else right?

*off soapbox*

At 05 July, 2006 10:08, Blogger nomadshan said...

Feel better today? Here's something: the Emmy nominations are announced tomorrow morning...start rooting for The Office.

At 05 July, 2006 11:16, Blogger bg's Little Sis said...

Hoping that July will be better for you, it sucks having good friends leave, but now you'll have a place to visit too!

lots of love,

At 05 July, 2006 12:28, Blogger terry said...

sass, i will be very happy when this little chapter of my life is over...
and yes, you are right. i gotta just worry about the now, and not the poor choices i've made.

and you can get on your soapbox anytime you like.

nomadshan, i might cry if the office isn't nominated for any emmys!! (hah. kidding. i think.)

thanks, lil'sis.. july's GOTTA be better. and good point, about the vacation spot. hmm...


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