Reality check...

I have been overly indulgent with myself of late. Always with lots of rationalization.

I'm really stressed out! I can have this chocolate.

It's my birthday week! I can have this chocolate.

I'm devastated emotionally! I can have this chocolate.

I'm still devastated and now overwhelmed! I can... well, you get the picture.

And the working out? Yeah. Not so much.

I put on an outfit on the other day that I haven't worn in a couple of months, and lo and behold, some extra chub made itself very apparent. I knew it was there. I can feel it. But it's so easy (at least for me) to ignore or deny when everything else in your life is a mess.

And the irony is not lost on me, that the indulgence intended to make me feel better actually makes me feel worse in the long run. That what I say is me being good to myself if actually me treating myself poorly.

Old habits die hard, even when you think you've got the upper hand on them.

So that stops now. Now that I have returned from a party where I enjoyed many yummy snacks and more cotton candy than I've ever had in my entire life.

The worst part? I feel so shitty about myself that I'm contemplating not seeing an old friend who happens to be in town this weekend. I didn't look like this when I last saw him, years and years ago. (Of course, he's gay. It's not like there's any romantic issue here. That's not the point.)

Because what's the first thing you notice about someone you haven't seen in many years?

Exactly.