Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Flying solo...

I'm starting to think I've been single for too long to ever be able to be in a relationship again.

Not that there are any serious contenders at the moment. I'm just feeling... restless... of late. Thinking it would be really lovely to have a little romance in my life. But then I look at this life and wonder if I even remember how to make room in it for someone else.

When the ex-hub and I split nearly eleven years ago, it was the first time in my adult life that I was truly on my own (though one could argue I was living like a single person during much of that relationship). It took me awhile to learn to sleep in the middle of the bed; now, I can't imagine sleeping any other way. I can't imagine making room in my admittedly large apartment for someone else's stuff, even though I shared this place when I started living here.

Now, this entire space is truly my own. It's all my stuff cluttering it up. My life is my own. My time is my own (except for, you know, that pesky job thing). I kinda like it that way. If I feel like spending hours watching bad television, that's no one else's concern but mine. If I get the urge to buy new shoes, or to spend too much money at Sephora, there's no one to question whether I should really be doing that.

Yeah, I've dated a little here and there since the divorce, but never very seriously. Never to the point where any of these issues came up. For the past decade, my life has mostly been all about me, me, me.

It's funny that the thing that's most troubled me in the romance department has been the lack of interesting, available fellas in my life. Maybe the bigger issue is whether I even know how to be in a relationship anymore.

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At 08 October, 2007 07:56, Blogger latt├ęgirl said...

Hello? Are we leading the same lives in parallel universes? ;-)

I say if you're comfy and happy the way things are, let it be, enjoy your time and your stuff.

 
At 08 October, 2007 11:55, Blogger Michael B said...

hmmmm. interesting points. i can't believe how good that all sounds.

 
At 08 October, 2007 12:16, Blogger terry said...

lattegirl, you too?

i do enjoy the way things are... mostly. it would be nice to have a partner, though. and then there are those physical needs...

michael, it is nice... except for those lonely moments. sometimes, there are none... sometimes, they're overwhelming.

but i've also been lonely IN a relationship, and that's far worse.

 
At 08 October, 2007 14:30, Blogger Big Momma Pimpalishisness With A Cherry On Top said...

I'm pretty sure relationships are like riding a bike. It's just finding the right bike that won't make your butt numb after riding it a few miles that's the problem.

 
At 08 October, 2007 14:33, Blogger Terry said...

big momma...HAH! that's a hilarious analogy...!

 
At 08 October, 2007 14:39, Blogger SignGurl said...

A woman can only dream to have your life. I'm writing a post that is totally the opposite of your situation.

 
At 08 October, 2007 15:21, Blogger Terry said...

signgurl, i do appreciate the freedom i have. i do.

it would just be nice to have some male company, too..

 
At 08 October, 2007 18:44, Blogger Laura said...

oh terry, i soooo know what u mean. i mean i know this comes from a selfish just new to college dont know nothin bout life perspective, but still. sometimes i look to the future and think, seriously? im gonna have to share my bed with someone? i like being surrounded by pillows. and we have to watch tv together? sometimes its fun to watch the simple life and NOT BE JUDGED. or fart or lay aroun and not shower. UGHHHH im never gonna get married

 
At 08 October, 2007 21:35, Blogger Reg said...

I'm totally with Laura. I personally sleep with one large body pillow on one side of me and two regular pillows on the other. This does not take into account the one under my head. There is simply no room for another human being in my queen sized bed. One ore two cats maybe, but a man? I don't think so. Granted, I'm living with my grandmother and that's not exactly condusive to dating let alone bringing someone home for some horizontal action, but even living alone, I liked it. No one to answer to or screw up or share the the DVR. But I suppose if someone nice came along, I'd make compromises. But it would be hard!

 
At 08 October, 2007 22:55, Blogger terry said...

laura, i know that there will come a time when you will WANT to do all of those things, to make all those compromises, because you'll be so in love. i was once, too.

now, i'm not sure i ever will be again....but that's because i'm old and jaded. :)

reg, sometimes i think it's easy to get really set in your ways. i suppose if i really fell for someone, none of this would matter.

 
At 09 October, 2007 03:20, Blogger DZER said...

amen, sister!!

 
At 09 October, 2007 04:30, Blogger Blondie said...

Maybe you just needed this time to wrap yourself up in self-care in order to heal. And maybe now all that pain is going away and you are starting to look around again? I bet you would know exactly how to be in a relationship if you "wanted" to. That is they key. Wanting. I'm not sure I'm there yet...

 
At 09 October, 2007 20:44, Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

I'm in much the same boat. Except for me, the limiting factor is not space, but time.

If it happens, it happens, and I'm guessing the tradeoff will be worth it. You're a great person, and deserve to have a nice guy in your life.

yeharr

 
At 09 October, 2007 23:07, Blogger terry said...

dzer! you're alive!!

blondie, you may be right about the time issue. it may have taken this long for me to really understand who i am.

but i've been looking around for awhile and have been less than enthralled... which is a bummer. life is short, and all that.

pirate, you're right. but it does scare me a little, the notion of it not happening. despite what i've written here.

hi, could i be MORE of a psycho gemini?? i think not.

 

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