Flying solo...

I'm starting to think I've been single for too long to ever be able to be in a relationship again.

Not that there are any serious contenders at the moment. I'm just feeling... restless... of late. Thinking it would be really lovely to have a little romance in my life. But then I look at this life and wonder if I even remember how to make room in it for someone else.

When the ex-hub and I split nearly eleven years ago, it was the first time in my adult life that I was truly on my own (though one could argue I was living like a single person during much of that relationship). It took me awhile to learn to sleep in the middle of the bed; now, I can't imagine sleeping any other way. I can't imagine making room in my admittedly large apartment for someone else's stuff, even though I shared this place when I started living here.

Now, this entire space is truly my own. It's all my stuff cluttering it up. My life is my own. My time is my own (except for, you know, that pesky job thing). I kinda like it that way. If I feel like spending hours watching bad television, that's no one else's concern but mine. If I get the urge to buy new shoes, or to spend too much money at Sephora, there's no one to question whether I should really be doing that.

Yeah, I've dated a little here and there since the divorce, but never very seriously. Never to the point where any of these issues came up. For the past decade, my life has mostly been all about me, me, me.

It's funny that the thing that's most troubled me in the romance department has been the lack of interesting, available fellas in my life. Maybe the bigger issue is whether I even know how to be in a relationship anymore.