Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

At least it's not Monday anymore...

I had another terrible night's sleep.

But horoscopes like this one give me hope. At some point, I hope to be able to explain why:

You spend the morning holding your tongue and making what you want to happen, happen. In the afternoon, you'll already see that the proverbial ball is rolling. That's exactly what you were aiming for -- don't be surprised if you land a strike or two. You've been training, you've got those nice comfy bowling shoes that look slick too, and you know the old lanes like the back of your hand. Maybe your team will go to the county tournament!

Okay, I'm not so sure I like the bowling analogy, but whatever.

My friend Kimmy asked me a really excellent question yesterday. She wanted to know if I was ready to get back out there to start dating again, as I've been on a hiatus of sorts for... oh... a long time. It's been so long I can't even remember when it started.

Of course, this hiatus would have ended had there been anyone interested enough in me to actually ask me out on a date, but that hasn't happened, so I still say my hiatus is self-imposed.

So what I told her was that I am ready to meet someone interesting who's also interested in me, and then we could get to know each other, yada yada yada. But I'm not sure I'll ever be up to pimp myself to the world again.

As I've mentioned before, I did a fair bit of online dating a few years back, and since it just doesn't seem possible for me to meet anyone interesting in the "real" world, that seems to be the only way to go.

Except that I don't want to.

I've already expressed some of my disdain about online dating here. And my own extreme lameness about dating here.

Suffice it to say, nothing's changed. And I'm definitely not in a place emotionally where I'm up for being rejected by people I haven't even met.

I know you're not supposed to take that personally, and I did meet some really nice guys -- a couple of whom I dated for awhile -- but the last few times I've taken a look around, and even put a profile up temporarily? A complete waste of time. It left me so discouraged.

And the hiatus was all about changing my approach to all of this. To stop trying to force something to happen. To stop being the one doing all the work in my relationships. To focus on other aspects of my life that need changing.


It doesn't help that the hormones think it's spring...

How do people do this?

*by the way, it's pouring outside as I type...

At 11 April, 2006 14:03, Anonymous Jeannette said...

Okay, what about doing something for you? What about taking a class or volunteering?

Oh, alright. You know that I haven't dated since 19**, but I'm trying. I asked myself, if I were you, what would I do? I think that I would go out and do something fun, interesting and new.

From the nut who almost killed herself taking a belly dancing class...but it was fun.

At 11 April, 2006 17:19, Blogger JMai said...

I'm with jeannette. There is simply no downside to taking a class in something you're interested in, or volunteering for a cause you believe in. You get out, get to make a difference in your life or someone else's (or both!), probably get some exercise out of it, and enlarge your pool of potential mates and new friends. Where are the cons??

As for online dating and how people do it (and for my purposes, I will limit your question to the online dating arena since that is where my recent expertise lies!) ... I'm not sure it's any different from just going out and meeting people in the conventional ways... except that breaking the ice is easier and there is usually no artifice about why people are there. I mean, some are there to find meaningful relationships and some are just there to hook up, but... that's the norm, no matter who, what or where.

For me, I had (and still have) the mindset that I have accomplished enough of LIFE by myself, and I want to share my time, dreams, and life with someone else. That desire is strong enough to get me through the failed first dates and the immediate rejections and all the rest.

You don't need me to tell you that the only way you're going to meet and get to know someone interesting who's interested in you is to put yourself out there, whether it's for online dating, setups by trusted friends, or the old standbys. If you're not ready, then don't put yourself through it.

But I would definitely sign up for some extracurricular activities. Might be just the thing to get your out of that rainy, big-life-question rut and give you some Terry Time.

At 11 April, 2006 17:44, Blogger buddha_girl said...

The bowling analogy is just plain bad.

All that aside...the rain's not helping ya, sister.

Dating. It sucks. I remember dating and like to think of that time of my life as my own personal hell. I have some REALLY good stories to share...stories I can NOW laugh at. But at the time I knew my life was OVER.

What about speed dating? Ever tried it? A dear friend of mine tired it twice. The second time around she met the ULTRA love of her life! Honest!

I'm sending you GOOD MAN KARMA!

At 11 April, 2006 20:20, Blogger Jon said...

Hey, I like bowling...

Anyway, I think that dating is different for everyone. Focusing on you is a great thing to do. I need to do some more of that myself. Changing your approach is good. I don't know how you would go about it, but even taking the classes like others have suggested is a great way to meet new and fun people.

I still want a date if I ever get out there. Sidecars are on me.

At 11 April, 2006 21:46, Blogger Chelle said...

Oh boy...I have beenmarried for so long I can't relate!! But I do agree with Job...focusing on yourself is a good thing to do!! Your prince will come.....and it will be when you least expect it! :) (This from the chick who has been married 20 friggin'

At 11 April, 2006 22:23, Blogger DZER said...

if it's any consolation, some of us don't do it ;)

At 12 April, 2006 03:57, Blogger Queen of Cheese said...

I think you should take care of Peanut for the weekend. Take her for a walk in the park. You'd meet someone.

When you least expect it, expect it.

Or, my personal philosophy: Wherever you are, that's the place to be.

At 12 April, 2006 05:16, Blogger Suze said...

Terry, you're right stop trying to make things happen and they will.

I was once in the same position. I stopped looking and they started to for some reason. It could have been the desperation vibes putting them off. LOL.

At 12 April, 2006 09:30, Blogger terry said...

all of your comments have been really interesting...and have triggered more thoughts... so those will be coming in a new post, instead of a 700 page long comment.

once i wake up. i was out late seeing rita moreno in "the glass menagerie" at berkeley rep. good stuff.

At 12 April, 2006 14:06, Blogger cadbury_vw said...

i'd ask you out if i was single and in your neighbourhood

(for what its worth)

At 12 April, 2006 19:55, Blogger sassinak said...

you know what cadbury? and i'm not specifically referring to you but i am answering you.

when i (having been single for three years now) talk about being single and some attractive and happily married man tells me that he would date me in a second?

it just makes me feel worse.

great all i attract are married guys, teenagers and old drunks.

but i can't speak for terry and i totally get that they're just trying to make it feel better.

jmai: please someone tell me what 'put yourself out there' means? i do all sorts of stuff, have multiple profiles and blog about my desire for dates... that sentence baffles me. i really liked the rest of your comment though, especially the bit aobut LIFE

At 12 April, 2006 20:28, Blogger JMai said...

Sass - To me, 'put yourself out there' means that you have to make yourself available to these people in order to attract them. If you cocoon yourself, your chances of meeting someone (especially the kind of person you want to mee) dwindle significantly.

Based on what you're saying, you (Sass) ARE 'putting yourself out there' ... I don't mean to say that doing so will magically make a love connection happen... but I do mean to say that it's much less likely to happen if you're hiding from the opportunities.

Does that make sense to ya?

Terry -- thanks for sharing your blogspace for comment debate!

At 13 April, 2006 04:59, Blogger sassinak said...

jmai: actually yes, that makes perfect sense thank you.

the people in my circle offline just say it like it's some answer to everything and it drives me mental. i'm never home, isn't that enough?


At 13 April, 2006 08:22, Blogger terry said...

i'm loving the comment debate!

and as always, sass articulated something i was thinking about -- the bit about being "out there." i feel like i AM out there, but more on that in the next entry i'm working on.


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