Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Monday, December 19, 2005

The Single Life....

You know, this is a subject I've been wanting to write about for quite awhile, but couldn't figure out how best to address it without sounding pathetic, pitiful, or bitter. Then I figured, what the hell? If you're reading this, you already know I'm a major Dork.

Is it just me, or does it seem harder to be single at this time of year than at any other? Aside from Valentine's Day, of course....but that's such a manufactured occasion that it seems easy to roll my eyes and go have cocktails with my friends. Not the same with Christmas. It can be pretty lonely without a special someone to share it with.

I’ve led a very strange life, when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. I was in a very serious relationship from the time I was 18 until my early 30s, so I missed out on that critical training period that most people go through in their 20's. (I used to be really thankful for that. Ha! Hindsight...) And I didn’t date a lot in high school – when you don’t have that San Diego Barbie look, and you speak up a lot in class, you don’t get asked out a lot. At least I didn’t.

So trying to learn "the rules" (and I’m not referring to that crap-ass book) of dating when you’re in your 30's and 40's is truly strange, indeed. Apparently, my notions about the way adults dated were quite utopian. I thought people were straightforward and upfront. Hahahahahahaha! Silly me! I should have known that game-playing is still the norm. No matter how much people say they hate game-playing, they still do it. It's expected.

And that stuff we’ve been fed about how men love it when women ask them out? Seems that’s not true. Okay, I suppose if I DID have that Barbie look (and I’m much farther from that now than I was in high school), it might be different. But it’s not just me; I find that with most of the women I know, when THEY take the initiative, things don’t seem to work out. It would appear that men still want to be the pursuers. What year is this, anyway?

It's safe to say, without completely denigrating myself (for that's what my inner voice is for), that I don't exactly fall within our culture's traditional standard of beauty. For one thing, I'm... uh... much rounder than I'd like to be. But that's not all; no matter what my age or size, I've never been one of those women who's had men falling at her feet. Okay, yeah, there are those icky guys who hit on everything in a skirt (and boy, is THAT flattering), but that's not what I mean. It is rare, indeed, for a man to actually approach me, even when I'm feeling cute and sassy and confident. Even when I catch one eyeing me. Am I sending out "don't approach me" vibes, or what? I'm still trying to figure that one out. Then again, often, when I DO catch someone checking me out, I tend to think I have a big booger hanging out of my nose, or a big stain somewhere that's drawing attention. It often doesn't occur to me that someone's trying to catch MY eye. (More on that in a future post.)

I'm the girl who is everyone's friend. That's not such a bad thing, really; I LIKE having male friends. I do. But it would be nice to be treated like a babe every so often. By someone normal, I mean...

I’m finding that I’m at an age now where I’m getting a lot of attention from older men. Much older men. Like, in their 60's. It’s really odd and a little disturbing to get leered at and hit on by men who look like grandfathers. I'm only 41, fer chrissakes...!

So what is my point? I'm not sure I have one. I guess what I'm saying is I'm completely baffled by the whole dating thing. How do people get together? (And let's not get into online dating -- I've already discussed my feelings about that.)
I go out and about, I do things.... where are the interesting guys? It's been so long since I've even had a crush on someone that I can't remember who my last crush was...! Isn't that sad?

(okay, really... I AM in the holiday spirit! I know that I am blessed with amazing friends and family. I'm just saying....)