Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Spam spam spam spam....

I usually don't pay attention to the spam I get in my email. I just scan over the bulk mail to make sure nothing ended up there by mistake before deleting. But lately, I've noticed all sorts of wisdom in the subject lines. Here is a sample of a day's worth of such subject lines.

- is equivocal my chuckwalla

Where is my chuckwalla, anyway? Equivocal, indeed.

- be no micography

Good advice. Being micography is bad.

- her basilisk in whelp

I had to look up basilisk on dictionary.com, because I had never seen the word before:

1. Classical Mythology. a creature, variously described as a serpent, lizard, or dragon, said to kill by its breath or look.

So, there's a baby serpent somewhere? Cool!

- he an audacious

He audacious, yo.

- A so profundity

SO profound!

- dearth purr

At first, I thought this said "death purr," and I laughed my ass off. Then I realized the message was that there's a dearth of purring, and that made me sad. We need more purring.

- by pugnacious an prep

"A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!"*

- Of in devonshire

Have another preposition.

- was eyesore an respite

I got nothin' for this one.

- Be circulant no preach

Yes, tis better to be circulant than to be a preach. I've heard that before.

- Of ventilate he rotunda

Please, ventilate the rotunda.

- Is ferrite he fiendish

Watch out for fiendish ferrous materials!

And my absolute favorite:

- Be evidential be cannonball

Excellent advice, that. Words to live by.


Speaking of subject lines, my pal Kim put together a most hilarious list of subject lines from a bunch of our email conversations. Okay, WE think it's hilarious. I'm not sure you will, but here it is:

bleah...
wow!!
oh FUCKING A
it's a good thing
mickey mouse
oops!
oh, funny
breathing?
knowing yourself
um...what??
:-)
hey mama...
Boytards
man...i needed that!
pecan pie
HAAAAA!!!
macaroni season
i'm off!
ok i'm blushing
awwwww :-)
eucalyptus?
croak
a problem with your sperm
tiny tim
unattached, thank you, and...


*you win my undying admiration if you can name the movie this line is from...

18
At 22 March, 2007 01:41, Blogger Love Monkey said...

HA!!! I love this!

I'm not going to post the name of the movie because I cheated and looked it up on Google.

I have to go to confession now. I feel dirty.

 
At 22 March, 2007 01:54, Blogger DZER said...

The basilisk's gaze was its deadliest weapon ... it turned you to stone.

 
At 22 March, 2007 03:50, Blogger The Savage said...

Though you should never mistake a basilisk for a cockatrice though the resulting death by stone is simiolar....

 
At 22 March, 2007 04:20, Blogger Kitty said...

Have you seen the Fresh Spam blog, http://fresh-spam.blogspot.com/index.html

She takes spam subject lines and illustrates them.

 
At 22 March, 2007 05:55, Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Pretty peppy prose, pal.

I'll meet you at the place near the thing where we met that time.

Bobby Bobby Bobby Bobby Bobby

Outside of your personal life, you're my role model.

I say it here, it comes out there.

"It must be great being right all the time."
"Oh, no. It's awful."

"I'm just at the age where 'early retirement' has a nice ring to it."
"I'm glad. If there's anything I can ever do for you..."
"Well, you can die soon."



Those may not be exact quotes, but they're the best I can do without going to imdb.

I won't name the movie, but do I still get the affection?

yeharr

 
At 22 March, 2007 08:47, Blogger Natalie said...

Isn't every season macaroni season?

 
At 22 March, 2007 10:34, Blogger terry said...

love monkey, it's okay to cheat if you admit to it....

dzer and savage, how do you guys know so much about basilisks? did you get a special lesson from your folks?

kitty, thanks for that tip! i can't wait to check it out.

pirate, i don't know how you managed to pick ALL my favorite lines from that movie.
and you already had my affection, sweetie.

natalie, every season SHOULD be macaroni season!

 
At 22 March, 2007 11:55, Blogger Reg said...

I got one for you. My friend Molly is on match.com now and her profile shows her mammary assets so I sent her an anonymous email through match with the subject: Hey Boobalicious!

Hee hee. Also, I believe I've worked with a basilisk. He was one of my managers in Hollywood and his breath had it's own color is was so nasty....

 
At 22 March, 2007 15:48, Blogger cadbury_vw said...

my friend is a poet. he once wrote a piece where he went through a week's worth of newspapers and picked the eight word in every story and strung them together with a few conjunctions

it was meaningless, but almost sounded real

it was uncanny

 
At 22 March, 2007 16:12, Blogger terry said...

reg, that's hilarious. did she delete your note without even reading it??

cad, i love that! i love wordplay.

 
At 22 March, 2007 17:13, Blogger Dan said...

I wonder why they named it spam. I mean, Spam is the most detestable food ever created. OK, maybe it's not so bad with lots of ketchup. No. It's still bad.

 
At 22 March, 2007 18:07, Blogger SignGurl said...

I think I'm going to have to start reading my spam!

 
At 22 March, 2007 18:40, Blogger terry said...

dan, spam's nasty regardless of what you do to it....

signgurl, don't read the spam -- just the subject lines! SPAM EVIL!

 
At 23 March, 2007 05:19, Blogger JMai said...

First of all, I'm very upset with you not knowing about basilisks! Didn't you read Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets??

Second, I love those weird emails. I get them all the time, with some weird-looking graphic that looks like a smudgy copy of a Bloomberg stock screen print, and then the text is all that bizarre, no-use-of-syntax (or punctuation, usually) prose, peppered with all of these weird 50-cent words that my mom made me memorise for the SAT.

And I can't name the movie. This makes me sad.

 
At 23 March, 2007 08:57, Blogger Blondie said...

Yeah, CLEARLY you don't read Harry Potter. And for that, you are going straight to HELL. Seriously, these books rule. I've read every one multiple times. Makes me feel like a kid again. In fact, I think I'll start rereading the series right now to remember everything before #7 comes out. Seriously, just read the first 3 chapters of Book 1. If you don't like it, I'll stop bothering you. :)

 
At 23 March, 2007 11:47, Blogger JMai said...

Blondie -- I'm all about re-reading the books before a new movie or book comes out! I need a refresher on all the little [plot and character twists that she hints at, but isn't ready to draw out. They almost always pop back up, don't you agree?

(sorry for bogarding your blog with that, Terry!)

 
At 23 March, 2007 12:37, Blogger Heidi the Hick said...

I've read this post three times and I'm still speechless! I just can't top any of this!

 
At 23 March, 2007 20:42, Blogger terry said...

jmai... no... i haven't. does that make me a muggle? the queen of cheese even bought me the first book, and i still haven't read it.

i don't read enough books. and when i do, i tend to read non-fiction.

the movie... is "broadcast news," with holly hunter, william hurt and albert brooks. i LOOOOVE it.

blondie, i swear.., i WANT to read it... i just never seem to have enough time! you should see how many unread "newsweek" magazines i have in my apartment right now...

jmai redux, go right ahead!

heidi... hah. glad you enjoyed.

 

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