Par-tay...

• Our Oscar evening extravaganza began as it did last year, at the MAC store, where we let the professionals make us all glamorous and stuff. This party is purported to be the largest formal Oscar event outside of L.A., so one has to look good.

• Despite the fine work of the MAC girls, I could not, for the life of me, get a decent picture of the two of us. We look freakish in nearly all of them.

This is the best of the worst, and that ain't sayin' much...

• 

We decided the overexposed look suited us better. I'm not sure what I thought was so hilarious here, though...but look how blue Miss Cheese's eyes are! I still look a little scary here...

At this event, there are many half-naked people painted as Oscar statues. It's a lovely sight, though we always wonder how they stay warm.

Miss Cheese was kind enough to share her lipstick with a fellow party-goer.

When a gay guy goes on and on about your "nice chi-chis," and says he wants to put his face in them, it would be wrong not to oblige.

I'm off to take some aspirin and watch the Oscars now. See, you only see bits and pieces of the actual show at this thing. Especially when you're busy hunting for food and free cocktails.