Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

The real me...

You're no wilting flower, but sometimes you feel that way on the inside. Why not take a look at the disparity between the 'you' you present to the world and 'you' you know from the inside? Maybe it's just a little tiny disparity. Maybe it's a big one. Either way, it's interesting to investigate. Both 'yous' -- public and private -- are part of you, and exploring those 'yous' is one of your major projects in life.

This was one of my horoscopes from last week. I've been ruminating about it for days, because it's so on target.

Most of the time, I feel like I AM a wilting (and uber dorky) flower... yet I go to great lengths to make it appear as though I have my shit together. I guess we all do this, to some extent. Or do we?

Those who know me best know just what a mushy messy goofball I really am. And that at heart, I'm actually a shy person. An introvert. Who often feels like a fuck-up.

The loud, sassy, opinionated, obnoxious me only comes out when I'm around people with whom I'm comfortable. Oh, and at work, which is one of the few places where I DO feel confident and on top of things (most of the time. definitely not all the time).

So you can imagine how surprising it is to me when someone will tell me I have a strong presence, or even that I can be intimidating. It's happened more than once -- even my stupid ex-husband once said this to me -- and it shocks me every time. I can't help but wonder who the hell they're talking about. Because I know what a huge dork I truly am, despite the game face I can put on.

Now, I'm at a place where I really need to believe that I'm the confident, strong, together person I try to present to the world. I need to be my own best friend, my best cheerleader.

And it's ridiculous how much effort it's taking.

At 03 May, 2006 22:59, Blogger sassinak said...

oh man i totally and utterly and completely know what you mean.

like there are no words.

i feel like i'm this big faker and everyone can tell and that they're just humoring me out of pity.

and i know it's ridiculous and silly

but still.

At 04 May, 2006 06:50, Blogger nomadshan said...

I think it's OK to have different "faces" for different situations. It shows adaptability. But you have to love each face - the shy you, the strong you, and the dork you. You obviously have friendsLet them (us) be your cheerleaders - give yourself a break!

At 04 May, 2006 07:26, Blogger terry said...

sass, WORD. that's exactly how i feel.

nomadshan... you make a great point, about embracing all the sides. sometimes though (and this will make more sense in a couple of weeks) you have to sell yourself... and that can be a challenge for a dork like me ;).

At 04 May, 2006 10:27, Blogger bg's Little Sis said...

I know exactly what you're saying, the effort is exhausting. Keep the faith, sometimes we actually FEEL like the strong person others think we are, that's a good day.

All the best,

At 04 May, 2006 10:50, Blogger Jon said...

You are an awesome dork!


At 04 May, 2006 13:46, Blogger terry said...

lil'sis, you're so right. i'm going to remember that.

thanks, jon... you're so sweet!

At 04 May, 2006 18:40, Blogger buddha_girl said...

Aww Terry! You are a strong, wonderful, important woman! If you ever need to take leave from being your own cheerleader, I'm here for ya, sister! *hard hugs*

At 05 May, 2006 10:03, Blogger terry said...

aww, thanks BG! i appreciate that!

At 05 May, 2006 15:54, Blogger JMai said...

I don't know about "we all" but I definitely have a big job of it presenting my "got my shit together" face to the world. It's partly from the way I was brought up (it's an Egyptian thing), but it's partly a lot of other things too.

I do, however, think that most of us have at least two "yous" and I think we spend a good part of our lives trying to reconcile them. Some people say they don't -- and that's fine. Maybe that's them trying to reconcile. Or maybe they're spot-on and the self they present to the world is the self they know inside.

I definitely know what you mean about being your own cheerleader. It's hard to do when most of us spend of our lives being our own harshest critics. It's hard to turn those tables!

At 05 May, 2006 22:19, Blogger terry said...

jmai, i think you're right... that most of us struggle with this.

if only i could turn off that inner critic for awhile... !


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