Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Yada, yada, yada...

Okay, are the astrologers looking right into my psyche?

If you've been feeling a little frustrated about something lately, then why not turn your exercise routine up a notch? If you've been skipping your workout altogether, then this is the day to get back in there and get in touch with your body. Sometimes being good to your body is a crucial step toward embodying your hopes, aspirations and dreams. At the very least, you'll be less grouchy. And you'll sleep better.

Ain't that the truth. And since the rain seems to have stopped...at least for a few hours... I'm hoping to get out for a good, long walk today.

I hope that last post didn't leave you with the impression that I'm sitting here on my hands, waiting for my prince to come along and change my life.

(I can't even believe I typed the words "my prince." I just made myself nauseous.)

No. Not at all.

I'm a pretty busy girl, much of the time (except for those extraordinarily lazy weekends, which I sometimes need to recharge my batteries). I go places. I do things. I'm out there. I'm blessed with great friends who make me laugh every day. (They just don't happen to know any single men!)

I just don't, in the course of these things, meet interesting guys. Or, I should say, guys I'm interested in.

There are definitely more things I want to do. There are classes I want to take, but I do have limits on time, finances, and energy. Not to mention, the classes I want to take? Not likely to include interesting guys. Not straight ones, anyway.

And more importantly, I don't want to be taking classes or trying anything new JUST to meet guys. Bleah. Gross. To learn and grow, to enrich my life, absolutely. And that's my aim.

This dating hiatus I've been on doesn't mean I've been closed off to the notion of finding a partner, either. The idea was (is) to focus on other areas of my life, but also to remain open to the possibilities. To let whatever's meant to happen, happen.

Which is why I was more than a tad alarmed about a year ago when it occurred to me that maybe what's been happening IS the way it's going to be. Forever. That I might never find a partner. And that I was going to have to find a way to be okay with that, because how much would it suck to get to the end of my days and have this huge regret, to feel that this huge thing was missing from my life?

Yeah, that was not a happy feeling. But I still didn't -- nor do I now -- have the desire to go back online, or to try speed dating or anything like that.

I'm not interested in "shopping" for a mate, trying many different people on to see if they fit. I've found that to be just plain weird and often tedious. Artificial. Forced. Going on a lot of first dates gets really old, really quickly. For ME, anyway.

Not to mention, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of demand out there for chubby girls over 40.

And that brings up another thorny issue.

Being less chubby would probably bring more men into my orbit, even though when I was younger and thinner, it didn't.

But I don't want to be with someone who can't accept me for who I am.

I want to become less chubby. That is one of the things I've been focusing on during this hiatus, though I've certainly fallen way off that track again in recent months. But it's definitely a priority.

I will become less chubby.

I will not accept conditional love.

The bottom line? There's no easy answer. All I can do is continue to live my life as I want to live it, strive for more, and see what comes.

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At 13 April, 2006 14:01, Blogger cadbury_vw said...

"I will become less chubby.

I will not accept conditional love.

The bottom line? There's no easy answer. All I can do is continue to live my life as I want to live it, strive for more, and see what comes."


I re-read and see

"Going on a lot of first dates gets really old, really quickly. For ME, anyway."

"I will not accept conditional love."

I seem to recall you saying that things with your ex and divorce were not good.

I think that if you examine your recent dating history, you may decide that you have become more selective. When we are younger we are a lot more open to checking out all comers.

I think now you are a little wiser.

When I did sales my boss said:

"One in ten cold calls gives you a lead. One in ten leads gives you a sale. Most of your activity should be to try to narrow the ratio between calls and sales."

I think that the above commentary provides one of many analytical lenses for viewing the success ratio of dating...

 
At 13 April, 2006 14:17, Blogger terry said...

good point, cad... about the numbers...

although in my case, there have NEVER been "many" comers.
i got involved with my ex very young, and we were together for a long time, so i was "off the market" all through the period when most people do a fair amount of dating.

and entering the market with so little experience and knowledge in your mid-30s is interesting, to say the least. i had this idealized version of adult dating, i think, that involved honesty and openness... and boy, was i mistaken. i didn't realize just how many games were still being played.

live and learn, i guess...

 
At 13 April, 2006 15:13, Blogger sassinak said...

dude i think the games get worse actually. people are less and less willing to be open and trusting and more and more willing to believe they're being played.

and then, when you meet a guy who is STILL single at 40 you wonder why... and almost inevitably you find out.

i don't know how to deal with that question either dude but i'm looking it square in the face along with my three year anniversary of noone to boink...

apparently it gets better in your forties because the whole kids thing is out of the way.

APPARENTLY

 
At 14 April, 2006 07:13, Blogger JMai said...

You've got me thinking that I should check my horoscope more often! Not sure I believe in them but I kinda dig when they're spot-on like that.

Cadbury is definitely right about the selectiveness. Which is a VERY good thing! That's what Nat was telling me when I was meeting all these people in recent months... I'd already put them through the selection process in determining that they were cute enough to interest me, made few spelling/grammar errors, could carry on decent conversation (online), etc. etc. Then I'd meet them and that started a whole new selection process. And all of them failed, for some reason or another (or no reason at all!), until this last one (and the one from eharmony, whose personal selection process *I* failed) came along.

And it IS tedious work, or at least it can be, doing the online dating thing and spending your evenings interviewing and being interviewed by potential mates. But I figure I'm at an age where I need to do my best to make it happen because like I said, coupledom and motherhood is what I want most in life at this point. Which is not to say that the individual Jmai will shrivel up and disappear, but I'm ready to lend my soul to the development of a new stage, a new generation. I'm not sure how to say what I mean but I think you get my drift.

Also, I agree that life enrichment should be your aim. I apologise if you took my suggestion of getting out and doing stuff for you, to imply that the impetus for doing so was to meet eligible bachelors. I think that's a bonus. But if the things you want to do aren't likely to put you in the pathway of new men, I still think you should do it FOR YOU. That's what the doing it is all about. I think it's like Sass and the climbing... she gets to meet new people all the time and some will evolve into closer relationships and some won't, but she does it for herself.

I'm sorta ranting again so forgive me.

Basically I think that, everything you do -- whether it's taking a class ot becoming less chubby or any other thing -- you should be doing for your own well-being. I like to think that when you're ok with who and where you are, that other things tend to fall into place. And if they don't? You care less about them not doing so.

And yay for not raining!!

 
At 14 April, 2006 10:54, Blogger sassinak said...

terry find a sport that's like crack for you and do that. you'll get skinny without even trying and you'll meet other people addicted to the same sport.

if one of them is a boy? bonus.

also jmai i love your brain

 
At 14 April, 2006 11:18, Blogger JMai said...

Awww... -brain blush-

 
At 14 April, 2006 13:38, Blogger terry said...

sass, i think you may be right about the games getting worse.

and i used to think the same thing, about guys my age who hadn't been married. but i happen to know a number of women around my age who haven't been married either, and they're fabulous... so i think i should step back from my initial assessment about the men.

and the kids thing? still there. i've found a lot of guys my age and older who are looking for younger women for procreation. or so they say...

i love jmai's brain too. and yours.

jmai, i really applaud you for keeping at it. and obviously, it's borne fruit for you. yay! i love the way you put your desire for kids - about lending your soul to a new generation. that's beautiful.

and no need to apologize; i knew what you meant. nothing bad can come from making yourself the best you you can be, and that is what i'm trying (ever so dorkily) to do.

i just get impatient at times, when i realize time is flying. and my hormones remind me that i'm not dead yet!

i'd love to find a sport i could get addicted to, but this frigging injury (neck/shoulder/arm) is permanent, and a major limitation.

what i really want to do is study dance again. and i will. carefully..!

 
At 14 April, 2006 17:55, Blogger buddha_girl said...

Couple of things, Terry.

1. Less chubby? Do it for yourself and yourself alone. I met and married my Husband Guy when I was WAY heavier than I am now. He and the men I dated didn't see the weight.

2. I tend to think the dating debacles and waiting game are due more to the fact that the man who is worthy of you just isn't in your vicinity yet. Who wants someone who isn't worthy of you?

3. I also CANNOT believe that you wrote "my prince!" I choked on my left eyeball and then had to extract it from my tummy as I would look quite unsightly with an empty eye socket.

4. Where the heck do you get these jazzy-ass horoscopes? I gotta read mine and see what's what!

 
At 14 April, 2006 21:39, Blogger terry said...

hey buddhagirl...

1. i agree -- losing some of the chub IS for me. and there are men i've known who haven't been concerned with the size of my ass. they just seem to be few and far between.

2. i agree with you there, too -- i don't want to spend a moment with someone who's not worthy of me. i just get... impatient sometimes. life is short, ya know?

3. i cracked myself up when i typed that! i'm SOOO not the prince-y kinda girl (unless we're talking about prince!)

4. i'm silly enough to check my 'scopes at yahoo and at astrocenter.com. yes, i'm only using them for entertainment purposes. but i find them especially entertaining when they're spot-on, as several have been lately!

 

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