Dork-o-Rama: The Random Thoughts of a Total Goofball

Embracing the Dork Side....Because Life is Too Short to Take Yourself Too Seriously

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Oops...

In my glee over the breaking of the fever, I failed to mention the downside: I seem to have made a co-worker sick.
That's bad for my karma, right?
Part of my penance is that I had to get up earlier than usual today, to fill in for her. Oh, joy.

But before I hauled my ass off to bed last night, I caught a couple of episodes of that new show on E! about Lisa Loeb's search for love. And the thing that struck me the most was her talking about how much she wants to get married and have kids.

I was apparently born without a biological clock. I have always been ambivalent about whether I'd have kids, and I have never felt that primal urge that so many women describe. It's just not there. Okay, there was one time I wanted to take Angela's son home, when he was a little baby, but that's really the only time I've felt that tug.

This is not to say that I don't like kids; I love my friends' kids. They're fabulous people, and I feel lucky to be able to watch them grow up. They amaze me with each new stage of their lives.

I've never been sure I'd be a good mother. I'd surely pass on all my neuroses, and who needs that? I'm also not sure I'm capable of the kind of sacrifice that's required of parents. I say it all the time -- I think parenting's the hardest and most important job there is. I honestly don't think I'm up to it.

My ex-husband suggested over and over and over again that we have children, and I am so grateful that I actually listened to my heart on that issue, as I knew we were never at a point in that mess when we were ready for that. He, of course, never seemed to understand what I was talking about, when I would say that.

What's really interesting to me now is that I've been on a couple of dates with guys who couldn't believe that I still don't know whether I want kids. One of them said to me, with great surprise in his voice, "Don't you think you should make up your mind??"

I think life is making that choice for me. And if I wanted a different answer, I'd do something about it.

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At 01 February, 2006 09:24, Blogger Chelle said...

I see nothing wrong with your decision not to have children. To me it's a very personal choice./ I have always wanted kids...I just always knew. It seems to be expected nowadays that veryone have kids. Hell, no one seems to be even married anymore before they welcome children into the world..which is a topic I may have to blog about some day..hmmmm lol However....do like you have been...follow your heart. For the most part it steers us in the right direction. :)

 
At 02 February, 2006 09:04, Blogger Jon said...

You have a great head on your shoulders. You have made the right decision for you. That's the main thing. I think I regret some things about having kids. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids very much. But at the time I really wanted kids. You have to want them.

I personally think you would be a great mother. I see so many people that are just horrible, and recently heard from a close friend about her family members that should be jailed for the shit they put their kids through.

 
At 02 February, 2006 12:22, Blogger Angela said...

If you still want to take him...you can! C'mon...you could try him out as a loaner for a few days/weeks/months... :)

 
At 02 February, 2006 14:19, Blogger terry said...

oh, c'mon ang... you KNOW you wouldn't want him away from you for that long?
would you?

chelle, you bring up a great point... about always knowing you wanted kids. in high school, my best friend and i used to joke about getting our tubes tied as soon as we were 18...! so i guess i've always known, too!

and jon, the last thing i'd want is to be one of those parents that ends up in jail. egads. i think birth control should be mandatory, in some cases..

 
At 05 February, 2006 01:00, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know what, Ter., that ambivalence really shows you as an authentic person. Having, or not having, kids does not have to be how we define ourselves. There are other ways to define ourselves.
love ya, cyn.

 

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