Epilogue...*
So I reached out one last time, largely to tell him I thought it was pretty cold to just go silent the way he had, and that it surprised me coming from him, since he seemed to be a man of integrity and manners. And added that it's much kinder, if you want to end things, to just say so.
A few days later, I got a reply: said he hadn't realized he'd gone silent until he'd gotten my note. And that he hadn't intended to end anything.
Um, wha?? By this time, it had been three weeks since we'd talked/emailed. And I'd made three attempts to reach him before that last note.
He did say he realized he hadn't been putting in the time or effort he needed to. But really, in our constantly connected age, how can you not notice you've not made contact with someone you' ve been dating for that long?
So I replied with essentially that message, and that it troubled me that he didn't think that was a long gap....but that (perhaps foolishly) I was leaving the door open.
Why? I know myself pretty well. I know I don't often meet men I like as much as I liked him, and if there was a way to make this work, I'd be willing to explore that. Not to the point of subjugating my needs, mind you.
His reply, bullshit, or no? He's not in a place in his life right now where he can be consistent or reliable in a relationship, way too much on his plate, yada yada yada.... would like to stay in touch, though. Yada.
You might wonder, as I did, what the hell he was doing on a dating site then, but he's since deleted his profile.
Who knows what's really going on in his life, but I have no regrets about anything I said or did in that...whatever you want to call it.
So now I'm back to the land of getting hit on by guys who are much older than I, and also dudes in their 20's who are apparently hoping for some cougar action. Eccch. Oh, and then there's the guy I was supposed to meet tonight who flaked on me. (S'alright - he has the same name as my ex-husband, and I don't think I could date another guy with that name!)
So tired of flaky guys. My "delete profile" finger's getting very itchy again...
*Apparently, this blog is now a Quinn-Martin Production: The Dork of San Francisco!
posted by terry @ 9:33 PM
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At 31 May, 2009 10:16,
The Savage said...
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At 31 May, 2009 11:23,
terry said...
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At 08 June, 2009 12:02,
Pat & Reg said...
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At 09 June, 2009 04:02,
Princess Stupidhead said...
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At 17 June, 2009 08:06,
Mouthy Girl said...
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At 17 July, 2009 21:01,
sassinak said...
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I like that I'm in your cheese section.
On the other hand go and prowl like a cougar (or is that puma)....
I found me a wonderful gal that I adore on the afformentioned dating site. If I can be that lucky so can you!
savage, i'm not interested in the cougar thing. i'm just not.
if i happened to meet a guy in his 20s that i liked, that would be one thing, but to seek it out seems really yucky to me.
glad you've had such success there. i'm not really expecting any...!
I'm sorry this thing didn't work out. It's a very familiar story though....I doubt very seriously that he's "busy" like he says. I think he's busy with other women. I hate to break that to you, but you have to consider that if he can't be bothered to call, text or email you within a few weeks, then what kind of foundation is he laying for the future of the relationship? If you let someone treat you with so little regard right off the bat, you're doomed later on. A guy should be excited to be with you and he should show it. If he doesn't, then I'm afraid it's the old cliche, "He's just not that into you."
It sucks I know. I'm having the exact same issue with the drummer. I had to call a friend of mine to talk me out of texting him last week when I was feeling weak. Luckily I overcame that moment of weakness because I know I would have hated myself for doing it.
Keep you chin up. There's a great guy out there for you!
I agree with Reg. It's the whole he's just not into you thing. The author(s) of that book were doing women a favor by stating what should be the obvious.
Terry - contrary to popular belief it should NOT be this hard. If it is, move on. At the beginning of a relationship, you should not have to prompt a guy to do anything - call, email, etc. If this is how it is at the beginning of a relationship, just think of what life would be like when the newness wears off. You don't want that. You don't deserve that.
I have to say that I don't like dating sites. Many of my girlfriends have been on them and the same kind of thing has happened to them. For some reason guys who usually don't have much female interest go on a dating site and suddenly a few emails sends their egos into overdrive and now they think they are some sort of girl magnet.
My friend's son, at the ripe old age of 14 said to her "You know what Mom? When I guy gets a woman like you he starts thinking he can get another one just like you if he wants. And that's where he's wrong."
I want to punch him for being so callous while simultaneously leading your ass on with the "I didn't realize I'd been out of touch," line. I'm calling bullshit on him. He's gotta man up or shove the fuck off.
(Easy for me to say since I'm not in your shoes.)
(OMG. My word verification was "losing.")
janine: that 14 year old is hella smart!
terry: :(
that's my whole thought on this. i have recently been dumped flat so i know the feeling...
though there is some consolation to be found in the hot 27 year old who charmed me into going on a date with him...
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